Baby Bust - or How Shopping Can Sometimes Suck

I'm tired of hearing about, listening to, being bombarded on the Internet, television and other media by, and the constant discussion of babies and children.

You with kids, you go and have your family and peace on the path. You teach your offspring all that you've learned and pass on your experiences. Fa bene. But stop telling me about it and for the love of God, stop trying to convince me that my life is somehow empty without a baby. This is directed less at people I know (because people I know don't generally do that) than at the media who keep pushing children at me left and right in commercials, on billboards, and every flippin' time I open up Yahoo.

This is why I love old movies. They feature adults doing adult things without the hindrance of perky moppets (apart from that kid in "Three On a Match" whose screeching cuteness is perfectly matched with Ann Dvorak's plunge into adultery, alcoholism and drug addiction -- all within the space of an hour!).

And those out there in the retail stores with your screaming, howling, drooling, animal children, if you don't speak to your beast about his or her lack of good behavior, I will speak to them, because I don't give a damn if you think I'm butting in on your parenting (or lack thereof) skills. Let's face it, if I have do it for you, then clearly, you must suck at it.

that is all.

Quarterly Report

3 months down, 9 to go. Not a bad year so far. Grades came in 2 A's and 2 B's, which is legit and better in some ways than expected, but it means that I rated a B- or C on my final project in J204 (went in with an A-). Whatever. I never have to take that class again, so I won't go on about how I WORKED MY ASS OFF on the project, because I'm bigger than that.

My Friday nights are free for sleeping now, instead of sitting in front of a flippin' Mac at school, and that's all that matters.

This time off is making me extra cranky about work though. 8 hours of people barking at me on the phone with stupid questions ("When am I getting my order?" It's scheduled for delivery today. "Can't I get it any faster than that?" or last week's favorite: "Do you have any Jamaicans working there?" what the f...?). T'ai Chi Man says I should keep the Dalai Lama in mind and consider these customers as people who are "helping me with my patience". I wonder how long the Dalai Lama would last in retail. You know that mommy-swap show? There needs to be (if there isn't already) a work-swap show. The D.L. and I can trade. Or the Pope. I've always wanted to be the Papal See. It would look good on business cards.

L'il Hateful
Papal See
Seeing the world for over 1,000 years

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

Spring break has started. As of this morning I have had a full 12 hours of sleep, I'm 3/4 of the way through Sartre's "Intimacy" and I've just finished a satisfying cup of coffee that was not brewed by a barista.

I predict boredom by 2 pm today.

The Ducks are now moving on -- I actually intended to watch the game last night. I thought I did very well last Sunday. I didn't get involved. I think I only barked once at the television and it was positive ("YEAH!"), so I thought I could handle it. Then I watched Vanderbilt/Georgetown and realized that I'm not ready. That a-hole was fecking traveling AND that was a g-damned foul at the end! WHERE THE HELL WAS OUR FREE THROW? The 'dores were robbed. I turned it off, focused on Sartre and went to bed. Now the Ducks are in the Elite 8 and I'm going to burst a blood vessel. I know it. If they get into the Final Four and have to play UNC ... ... I'm just going to have to leave the country or find a cave or turn into Tommy.

Here's what happened: The test was only half about grammar usage. The other half was defining and identifying grammar terms. 20 years ago in high school I would be able to tell you what a prepositional phrase is or a subordinate clause or any of that other junk. Now? Now I had to guess. But, honestly, is the editor of the Small Town Bee going to tell you to fix the spelling on that sentence and make it PUNCH out of the page? Or are they going to say "Can you change the gerund in the second independent clause to an intransitive verb?" Honestly.

I don't think I'm giving anything away on this blog. Those who actually get into the class will be told to study what I'm blogging about now. It's not like I'm putting down actual questions (although I can remember 2 of them and I'll sell them for $1 a piece).

I can take the test again, so now that I know what I'm up against I'm buying the book that goes with the grammar class (the class was full). By the way, the book is $78.25 and it's written by the professor of the class and it comes with a workbook, which means that there are no used ones, which ... hey ... wait a minute .......)

STUDENT EXPOSES TEXTBOOK SCAM

I didn't pass the grammar test.

Stop me, oh-ho-ho stop me. Stop me if you think you've heard this one befor-or-ore

Today I traded in 5 semesters worth of books. They gave me $123.00 for them.

Then I got rooked for $83 on my books for the next term.

My math is bad, but ...

And well-done Commodores! Sail on honey.
('n stuff)

Tear That Bracket A New One

Gee ... Duke lost. Gosh. I'm all choked up.

I was asked today how my bracket was doing and had to explain that it's like asking someone in AA what they think of vodka: Love it, but can't touch it.

Had to quit the NCAA for a time. After crying at the table at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, Las Vegas (while my friend Don was yelling at the television "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU'RE THROWING IT AWAY!"), I decided it was time to stop watching the tournament. That was about 7 years ago, but even now when I catch a single play I get stressed out and emotional -- even if it's Old Dominion vs. Rutgers. "Come ON, Old D., what the hell kind of defense is that! You mother-f--kers! DO IT!"

It's not pretty. But it's okay to check the scores after the fact and dance on the dead giant's head when they DROP like a bag of dirt in the first round. (Okay, I know it was close, but still, DROPPED, yo.)

I'm in no mood to go to school today.

School is stupit. Want sleep.

And sun. Can the sun come out? pleeeeeeeeese.

I just answered this email:

"Our 11 month old just swallowed the
tip off the "accent" neon marker.
Is it poisonious? Should we call a
doctor?"

What the f...? What was your 11 month-old doing with a highlighter pen and how did he get the tip off it? And why are you emailing a retail company for advice on a Sunday? [EMAILING by the way - not calling, but email. What the hell?]

Makes me feel smarter tho'.

bring out your dead

It used to be that the word "cemetary" would make me sparkle with glee. It's not so much now, but the old flame still burns from time to time.

This came via a link from another link:
Russian Mafia Tombs

This one is my favorite:

epifanny

I've decided that journalism is just selling dope and lying to suckers. It's a career in RETAIL!

What a bunch of poo.

I'm switching to something useful like anthropology or biochemistry or medieval literature. Journalism is for a-holes.

I'm cranky.

Just a couple more things and then, I swear, I'll stop blogging today.

Montoya spins teammate, wins Busch Series race

Surprised? Anyone?

Boxer Burgos survives surgery but in coma after loss to Aussie

crap.

And to my friends, I apologize for wondering about Michael Buffer's skills in bed this weekend. That was one of those "Shite! Did that come out of my mouth?" moments. It was the beer talking.

Yo Lo Tango

During t'ai chi practice we sometimes get interrupted by people who want to use the room we're in. Since we're space-squatters we let people in, but most of the time they're working on karate or hip-hop dance or something that crowds us out.

Last Friday we had tango dancers.

It was kind of crazy at first to try and focus the chi while listening to Astor Piazzolla, but then it started to sink in and it turns out that Astor's really great for chi'ing ... I think so anyway. And maybe they think so in China. Based on what I've learned in Chinese Religions (aside from other, more important things) in Chinese parks they'll have t'ai chi in one corner and ballroom dancing in the other corner. Maybe they tango ... could be ...

These guys were really good too. I know, weird that two men were dancing a tango, but they would switch off leading. Did the back kicks and everything.

I think the instructor was my Uncle Bob.

8 8 I forget what 8 is for

No idea what to blog about. This is your brain on blog. I would like to throw a bone back to the dreamblog and add that I had a dream last night that Jack Nicholson was part of a group of zombies who invaded a small California town. They wanted me to open the safe in the office of the PTA (run by Jessica Lange -- what the?). Turns out zombies are afraid of fire. Go figure.

Finishing up school over the next 2 weeks for the big 1 week spring break whooooooooooo! which will be spent at work (whoo). I get to be in Claudia's Italian class next term and I can't get into Writing for the Media until I pass the grammar exam. I thinks; that'll not be, a problem, but I wish I could register for it now and have something to look forward to in the spring. Right now I've got the most frustrating Italian class ever, African American History (where my whitey ancestors will take a deserved beating -- my family came over on the boat loooonnnng after slavery. We brought you pasta, whiskey, step dancing and the notion of vendetta, so no blame on me, man) and the Evolving Earth, which I'm sure will be much more fun than Writing for the Media. "And then the volcanoes beneath the ocean surface zzzzzzzzzzzzz." I really wanted to take Monkeys & Apes, but I couldn't find it. Paleoprimatology sounds close ... or maybe it just sounds really cool. "What are you taking this term?" "The usual ... Italian, History, Paleoprimatology ... you know."