someone saved my life tonight ... and it may have been andre 3000

Match.com keeps getting a plug in my life this week -- so and so met their husband on match.com; so and so met their girlfriend on match.com, match.com-this, match.com-that ... So I went on it and started the profile.

Before submitting it, I checked out the photos of men in my area.

And I remembered back to the days when I lived in LA and went on Yahoo personals and how some of the replies were good and some absolutely the craziest thing ever ("I work out, so sex with me will be very good for you"); and how some people look good on paper and can turn out to be pretty horrible in person. I thought of the date set-ups, the co-worker dates, the blind dates, and the countless boys at church my mom thought would be "nice".

So I'm looking at these guys and I'm trying to come up with a "header" for my profile and I was thinking of using "Eats shoots and leaves," but I didn't think it would go over the right way, because they all look so regular and nice and you want to give them a chance, but not one of them is going to understand how I can make puns on the name "Vic Tayback" ... and on the Sony bean, I hear Andre 3000 sing "You think you got it, But got it just don't get it."

Fecking hell, he's totally right.

But seperate's always better when there's feelings InvooooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOooooooOOOOOlved
If what they say is ["Nothing is forever"]
Then what makes, Then what makes, Then what makes
Then what makes, Then what makes LOOVVEEE?
[Love exception] So why you, why you
Why you, why you, why you are we so in denial
When we are not happy heeeerrreeee...
Y'all don't want me here you just wanna dance

amen, brother.

okay

maybe the + wouldn't have helped.

Okay, maybe I'm greedy, but ...

Grades came in and I did a lot better than I thought:
Writing A
Italian B- (no way)
History A- (way)
GPA = 3.74

But not as well as I needed for the Dean's List (3.75).

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Flippin' .01 off. That means no Starbucks card. This is where the "+" would have come in handy in Writing. I know I earned it. Flippin' hell, that Foucault paper was totally worth a "+". Mike gave me a "+" last term and I made up the arguments for the papers in that class. ffft James Ellroy uses racial slang as a literary device, honestly. I can't believe he bought that. This time I really supported my arguments and wrote real, solid, logical papers -- and I participated in every class. Lord knows how I participated. Come on, Matt, throw me a bone, paisan. Tuo e io sono italiano, sono familigia, eh? Ma dai. MA DAI.

the term is over ... it's all behind me ...

Can you tell that I was singing like Pete Townsend? No? You'll just have to take my word for it then.

The last final exam was yesterday. It was History 105 and I think I did passably well ... although I can't remember if I matched Louisiana up with anything or if that was a extra term or if I just forgot to do it or forgot what I explained about it. It's a mystery. I was a little down yesterday just thinking about it, but now I really don't care. So I get 2 C's and an A (I'd better get an A in Writing -- even if I fail the last paper on Foucault I should balance out to a B). Whatever. WHATEVER, say I. Next term it's Shakespeare (got it), Fiction Writing (got it) and another go at Italian (need it).

Tonight I'm celebrating with a wee drinkie and a new pc --- it turns out, and this will probably come as no surprise to anyone except me, that even the cheapest emachine at Best Buy is superior to my 6 year-old Gateway Profile. But, gosh, I was surprised to learn that we lost at the Alamo (and where do I find out? At the Alamo), so I'm a bit of a dumb-ass.

("This is where the gallant men of the Alamo lost their lives..." what? but I thought ... what the f?)

Sto ditchendo

I left work at noon -- after getting barked at by some woman in Brooklyn -- with the intention of studying for the Italian final ... but I'm feeling pretty comfortable with la lingua and now I'm just plain ol' ditching work. There's nothing on TV though (so, why not blog!) which makes it less fun than that time when I ditched work and Mal and went to the sticky-foot to see "jackass".

The term in summary: I suppose it's pretty evident that I'm happy to see the back of it, but in pausing to reflect on the ups and downs and *way* downs of my classes, I'm left with the philosophical emptiness of academia. What is the point to learning that China isn't a backwards country? Who still thinks they are? Although maybe there are still people out there that imagine China as third world -- there may even be people in China who think we're cowboys in America. I don't know. Where it's gets me as a student is still a mystery. Maybe I just need to get into one of those damned Journalism classes and that will make it all worthwhile. One day I won't be in the last group to register. I know it. And maybe then it'll make sense. Until that day I guess I'll just keep ditching work, watch some TCM On-Demand movies and deal accordingly. But, wow, what I pay that college (or what the government pays until I pay the government) to sit and get insulted, bored and irritated ... crimany, it's mind-boggling.

no no no ... like a blade in the water, vitali

I know I've killed the dream blog, but this one was too weird not to jot down. Last night I was giving Vitali Klitchko swimming lessons. He was a lead weight in the water, by the way, and had no concept of how to move effectively down the lane. He was all over the place.

I've heard that water equals ... erm ... yeah ...

One last note on the worst Italian class ever: yesterday was supposed to be spent going over the 400+ exercises she gave us for homework except *whoops* she didn't bring the answers with her to class so we had to "correct each other". Which might have been effective if we had learned something over the term. As it was we sat there struggling with each question, but since professoressa hadn't even brought the book with the exercises or the print outs from the online stuff (never mind the answers, she didn't even have the questions) she was useless in pointing us in the right direction. Oh, and we still don't know what room the final's being held in. It's on Monday night. Good thing we did the instructor evaluations on Thursday, although I don't know that I could have given her a lower rating than I already had.

It's Dead Week ... and I'm dead tired

From what I've heard, Dead Week is supposed to be a time when your professors, instructors, lay-people take it easy on you so that you can study for finals the following week. Nothing worth more than 20% of your grade is supposed to be due this week unless it's on the syllabus (which is a huge cop-out, but it's also kind of necessary as a loophole since we'd be bored stiff sitting in Writing class for an entire week without a paper due). Having said that (in parenthesis) I have a paper due this morning on Foucault and his panoptic theory of the societal structure and I'm trying to catch up on history and Italian--oh wait! speaking of ... what's all this then?

A. passato prossimo/imperfetto
I suggest you to study first the rules (p.216-218, 227) then to do the exercises in the doc.word attached (in course documents). You should do the exercises from “B” to “E”. The D exercise helps you to understand the right application for imperfetto/passato prossimo. The division of “Abitudini/Condizione” for
“imperfetto” reflect the following book’s rules: "abitudine"= rule “a” pag 117; "condizione" = rule “d” & “e” pag. 218. This classification does not include point “b”, pag. 217, and “c”, pag. 218. Please PRINT THE PAGES OF tHESE EXECISES (B, C, D, E); COMPLETE THE EXERCISES AND BRING THEM TO CLASS!!!

In the second doc word attached (in course documents) the exercise D - “passato prossimo o imperfetto?” includes the rules “b” & “c”. Please PRINT THE PAGES OF EXECISE D, COMPLETE THE EXERCISE AND BRING IT TO CLASS!!!

B. futuro.
practice forms with the following exercises, if you like:
http://web.uniud.it/clav/contatti/lettori/sbrizzai/esercizi2/es_7.htm

futuro irregolare
http://venus.unive.it/italslab/quattropassi/f43es2.htm
http://www.uvm.edu/~cmazzoni/3grammatica/grammatica/hotpotatoes/futuro_match.htm
http://www.uvm.edu/~cmazzoni/3grammatica/grammatica/hotpotatoes/futuro_quiz.htm

TURN IN A PARAGRAPH ABOUT "il fine settimana di Anna", on "dispense", pag 117.

C. all tenses
dispense pag 111,"carletto e francesca"
dispense pag 112-113 "il mio goggiorno a peugia"

Did I mention that the composizione we had to turn in on Monday is being returned today to be corrected and turned in again tomorrow? Oh, did I forget that the final is Monday night at 6 and we still don't know what room it's being held in? Oh, and the oral final was yesterday where my group was told that we talked like "Tarzan." ("I suggest you to study first the rules") Yeah ..... it's like that.

I've decided to make peace with Failure. We can be good friends...

Racer XXX

I love Kimi Raikkonen. Let me count the ways...

• Is it because he goes from 22nd place to 3rd and a podium finish on a one-stop fuel strategy?

• Is it because he's known as the ICEMAN?

• Is it because he has his own Fan Club Tour? (sign up now for Monaco!)
  

["Can I meet Kimi in Monaco ? The answer is possibly - when booking on the 'Offical Club' Tour - lucky Members will be invited onto Kimi's Boat. They are chosen as a 'Lucky Draw' - subject to his Sponsor and Team commitments he will visit the boat to greet you. You will spend several hours on the boat in Monaco Harbour, you can enjoy the hospitality and the GP atmosphere. Kimi's visit will be an added bonus - this normally takes place late afternoon on Saturday."]

• Or is it because his official website has Euro-porn background music?

Thank God for F1 racing, that's all I can say. Without it, this kind of renaissance talent would have no outlet.

Is that an Oscar in your pocket...?

Overall, I was pleased with the Oscars. Sure "Crash" looks somewhat predictable and the NY Times review was pretty unforgiving, but maybe it's better than "Brokeback Mountain" ... I don't know. "The Constant Gardener" still tops my list, so I didn't really care what won. The peripherals are what the Oscars are all about:

- It looked like Keira Knightley was irritated and bored all night, which is odd since she was sitting next to Jack. Maybe she doesn't get his brand of humour.
- The Lily Tomlin/Meryl Streep tribute to Robert Altman was fantastic.
- The "Crash" song interpretive dance was even better.
- Maybe they're saving the recent departed for next year's Oscar roll-call, but it seemed really short this year. Was someone missing? I thought for sure Hollywood had knocked off more stars than that.
- Best dress: Reese Witherspoon (although it looked like it weighed a ton). Worst: My God! Felicity Huffman ... what in the world made her choose that thing? Remember, in the 80's, those black bathing suits that looked like that? And at the end of the day you ended up with this sunburned V down the middle?
- Best acceptance speech: Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana. I'm not sure what I liked better: his jeans, cowboy boots and askew clip-on tie or her heavy, depressed sighing into the microphone. You felt kind of bad for her, like she didn't really want the award and was being forced to take it. "Thank you for this honor, but it's the worst night of my over-long, pathetic life. An Oscar [sigh]. Where will I put it and what happens when it's dusty? [heavier sigh] This is the worst thing that could have happened to me. Why? Why?"

Flame On!

Somehow this makes yesterday all better:

Johansson Mortified by Golden Globes Grope

Actress Scarlett Johansson was shocked and mortified when designer Isaac Mizrahi groped her breast while he was interviewing her before the Golden Globe Awards ceremony in January. The Lost In Translation star has decided to speak out for the first time about the uncomfortable encounter, which had the designer examining the construction of her dress, while also feeling up her breasts. She says, "It was definitely in poor taste. I'd been prepping for two hours with hair and make-up and getting dressed. And the first interview I do, someone who I have never met before fondles me for his own satisfaction. '" The actress was wearing a clingy, cleavage-baring red Valentino gown and doesn't believe the designer was interested in the dynamics of the dress. She says, "Like he doesn't know how a dress works."

Like, Scarlett, he's, like, gay, n' stuff.

Today is the Worst Day of the Rest of Your Life

So, not only Darren McGavin, but Don Knotts and Dennis Weaver and now Jack Wild (although he kind of creeped me out on H.R. Pufnstuf. Honestly, he was hardly a lost little boy. He was 25 or something at the time, wasn't he?). The New York Times obit for Don Knotts is fantastic ("You know, you're a funny little son of a bitch").

So Writing 122 was better than expected, since I wasn't the only one answering questions in class this time (which is good because I had a bad, bad headache) and I found out one of my classmates works at "Paintball Palace" and that's very cool, but the next class was Italian.

Yesterday Signora asked us to write a paragraph describing what was going on in a cartoon of a soccer game between Milan and Juventus. I put down an amusing little story about how Patrick Viera (former Arsenal, but now Juventus) ran the ball down field and scored a GOLLLLLLLLLLL. She emailed me back with the following (and this is all):
MOLTO BENE!! I JUMPED ON MY CHAIR TOO WHEN HE MADE THE GOL!

That's not the way it came out in class when she used it as an example, in Powerpoint ... with colors.

First instead of having the ball and running toward the goal (sta avendo la palla e sta correndo al gol) she said it should be kick the ball to the goal (tirando al gol -- tirare is not a word in the vocabulary list we were given for the assignment; it's also not in our book glossary because I looked for it). Well that takes out running. I had the coach shouting "SCORE SCORE (l'allenatore sta dicendo "SEGNARE! SEGNARE!") until she pointed out that the coach was standing next to cartoon players in different shirts than the one with the ball (a detail that hardly matters; you might as well point out that the cartoon player with the ball was white and Viera is not) so she said that he was actually shouting at the goalie to "PARA! PARA!" (I assume it means to block, however it is not on the vocabulary list). I say Viera shoots and scores and the crowd cheers and the squad kisses Viera. She points out that the referee is blowing a whistle because one of the cartoon players must be off-side (no Italian translation in our book -- no vocabulary for "blows a whistle" either), which means Viera doesn't score, the crowd does not cheer and no one kisses Viera.

Bene?

After class I spent 10 minutes crying in the ladies' room like a 3rd grader.