Hot enough to fry an egg? Hot enough to fry a girl's brain

Summer's here. One day it's windy-cold and the next it's a hair dryer at 100 degrees. That's Oregon for you. Actually, today was reminding me of California and those unbearable days in Temple City when I would drive and hour and a half to my parents house in Huntington Beach just for the 10 degree temperature change. I swear living in the San Gabriel Valley is what warped my Ultravox albums.

As it's too hot to exercise, think or do much besides drink vodka and sit around on the couch, I've been getting a lot reading done. I'd nearly forgotten how great reading for pleasure was. Geez, go figure. So this Donna Tartt is pretty good. I thought following up Margaret Atwood would hurt the impact, but I'm really enjoying "The Secret History." Okay, sure, it's from 1992 and she thanks Bret Easton Ellis for his help, but it's got a timelessness about it that you don't see much in modern fiction (certainly not in anything by Ellis). I'm kinda diggin' it.

Sports Break: Aussie's are out of the cup. Ghana's got to face Brazil now (ha. ha. Good thing we got bumped). And England still hasn't faced anyone really strong yet. Cup action is business as usual. I was sad to see Mexico drop. Cah, I hate Argentina. Who's left to support? Viva l'italia, bambini.

When I think about me I pat myself

A
A
A-
(Hello, Dean's List, hello.)

It's only been a week and I really, really miss school. Does that make me a nerd? Feck. I need to scrape it together. Sheryl, I swear, I'm scraping it together. Katie can expect a birthday present in mid-late August. It'll get there. I swear it.

I need a syllabus for the summer. Wingin' it is not working out.

Things accomplished today: ... ... ...

Things not accomplished today: lost an eBay bid on a Kimi Raikkonen shirt, failed to improve upon "Cloud Hands" after an hour and a half of practice (thing accomplished: bored T'ai Chi Man with my obsessive repetition of the same 30 second position: "I'll get it this time. I'll ... dammit! Do over?"), did not finish watching "The Scarlet Pimpernel".

Clearing some stuff out

Just to list a few things:
- Since school ended I've been sleeping or watching TV or both at the same time. I have accomplished nothing of worth. I will note that I have missed my god-daughter's 16th birthday, her mother's graduation from college and her brother's graduation from junior high. Q.E.D.: I suck.

- Our new neighbors have a child who screams all day. This is not an exaggeration. It's his way of communicating and it's not only allowed to continue, but the parents answer to it. I predict he will grow up to be a Loud Talker that people will avoid everywhere except the frat house.

- Yesterday I took the cousin/roommate out miniature golfing for his birfday. On the course ahead of us was a hideous family of hideous people with a 2/3 year-old named Ben. Like Screaming Child next-door, Ben was allowed the freedom to growl, strike things with his golf club and wander aimlessly into other groups. "He's a handful, isn't he?" was the only excuse given for his behavior. This bon mot was followed by the request (which was made to complete strangers): "Can you keep an eye on him for a second?" Why, because making that hole is too important for you to corral your young 'un? Yeah, mini-golf is a tough racket. You want to keep your eye on the game at all times.

- So far grades are 2 A's (Shakespeare and - way - Creative Writing). Asked the parents what I get for a 4.0 this term. Answer: "A diploma?" Thanks, pop. Are you coming to my graduation in 3 years? "If you pay for us to come up there." ma dai.

All done!

Last final in Shakespeare today. I'm hoping that I've aced it since I am a genius n' stuff. Anyway, I knew who said what when and made up what it meant to the play (Ophelia as one with nature, Pistol trying to save his own neck while pleading for Bardolph, Claudius calling Hamlet a big girl's blouse, etc...). Turns out studying helps on tests. Go figure. Based on the first draft comments, I should rate an A on the final paper in Italian (I can write great compositions; too bad I blow at exams - viva la compozione finale!), and that will balance me out to an A- in the class. The wild card is flippin' Creative Writing. Who'da thunk it? B-, B+ and A on the stories. Crap. The only thing that will save me is the participation grade. I participated like it was going out of style. So what if I can't create disparity within a 700 word story, I participated! Whatever. So no Starbucks gift card or Dean's list all because I can't state character desire in the first paragraph. cah. What a drag.

Celebrated tonight with some Mezzaluna pizza and an argument with the cousin/roommate (man ... sometimes ... I just wanna shake him like a Polaroid pictcha). Tomorrow I return to full time in hell, but at least I now have the entire weekend free. Viva la fine settimana!

soon

one more final and then I can blog.

and sleep.

Hem

I was asked the other day to defend my love of Hemingway's non-fiction over his fiction (which I have no patience for). I explained to my co-student (and then later to the cousin/roommate) that I thought his non-fiction had a less imposed structure and was more natural than the fiction. Unlike the fiction, Hem's not trying to impress a style on you, he's just talking. And he's hilarious. Outside of his trip to Lyon with F. Scott Fitzgerald, my favorite example of his non-fiction is this short bit:

"I looked at him and his marked-for-death look and I thought, you con man conning me with your con."

Say what you want about him, I might knock a few drinks back with Hem. (He'd hate me though.)

Care if I Oki?

I can't do the top 30 songs like the brother. Mine are all on my Sony pea pod anyway, so a list is redundant. (At least for me. It's all about me.) So I picked a list of stuff I might be drunk enough to karaoke if given the chance. In no particular order:

- The Theme from "Shaft" - yeah, I know they did it on the Simpsons, but they totally stole my idea. The big opening intro is great for drinking up the courage and you don't have to sing high to get through it. It's win-freakin-win.
- Babies (Pulp) - "I only went with her cuz she looks like you MY GOD"
- She's a Lady (Tom Jones) - just for the whoa-ooh-whoa-ooh-Whoa-Ooh-Whoa-Ooh-WHOA part
- I Think I Love You (Partridge Family) - hey, didn't Danny Bonaducci play with Mingus...?
- Fernando (Abba) - I could probably do it like Shatner too. "Do you. Hear. The drums. Fernando."
- The Theme from "Super Fly" (not done on the Simpsons)

Actually, I can't think of any others. It helps to have drink both to make the list and to sing it. I guess this means I have to go back to writing my finals. Flippin' school n' all.

What I do for a living

Good things come in three's. Here are three messages sent to us yesterday on the customer service email at work. Just to bring everyone up to date, the company I work for sells office supplies:

Nature: request for quotation
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message: THE FLORIDA ALLIGATOR PROBLEM IS JUST A BUNCH OF BULL
ALL OF US IN LA, LAUGH AT THE IDIOTS BECAUSE WE HAVE TONS OF GATORS AND WE
KEEP THEM IN CHECK BY KILLING THEM TO EAT AND THERE HIDES AND I CAN'T
UNDERSTAND WHY THEY JUST DONT HIRE A FEW OF US COONASSES TO COME THIN THEM
OUT. AND BELIEVE ME WE WOULD ENJOY DOING IT .

*****

Subject: When you were offline (via LivePerson)

i need the MSDS sheet for blue ink in refill kit # RF197. we had a kid get
into it and ink is everywhere. the cats got it on their fur, want to make
sure it is harmless to them when they clean themselves!

*****

Nature: product inquiry
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message: Please send me an internet E-mail address so that I can send you
a picture of the index tabs that I am looking for. These cannot be
adequately described in words. Believe me, I have tried.

Just a note, that last one came via email. ba boom.
(although, honestly, if I could keep a running tab of how many times people call and then ask for the phone number...)

the pokey man

Yesterday I went to the acupuncturist for my carpal tunnel issues. Here's a comparison to what two of my co-workers went through and what I get:

Co-workers: sling and metal contraption that limits movements. This has to be worn for 2 months, then there's a check up and if there's no improvement it's worn for 4 more months. If there's still no improvement they recommend surgery.
Me: 30 minutes poked with needles while soft music plays on speakers. This will happen once a week for 4 weeks at which point the doctor says it will either be cured or 80% better. No surgery.

Co-workers: workmen's comp, hateful stares from the boss as comp insurance comes in to photo the workstations, forced time off with comp pay (only a percentage of regular pay)
Me: I take it easy for 24 hours after the treatment. No time off.

Co-workers: Insurance and comp pays the bills
Me: Ah, the rub. Turns out our insurance doesn't cover poking. But the total for the exam and the treatment was only $110.00. Compare that to the exam, x-rays, slings, MRI's and assorted peripheral of Western medicine and I'm still coming out ahead.

Here's a nutty thing: like a skeptic meeting a psychic I didn't believe much about this stuff until the doctor popped off with the proof. While taking my pulse he asked me "How's your appetite?" Sacre bleu! Ever since the friend's wedding I haven't been hungry -- I thought it was due to the altitude in Colorado, but it's been hanging on for the past week. "Your digestion is week," he said. He could tell just by taking my pulse.

Pussycats, I'm sold.

The one about the box is good too

I was supposed to be studying this morning, but instead the cousin/roommate sent me this link about a guy selling a car on eBay

Oh, and the box.

Much better than studying...