Blog & Order: CI (crisis of intent)

DUDE! they took The Little Match Girl off of YouTube, so now I can't even give mom something to cry over. And they only have a promo for West Bank Story instead of the whole thing. Freedom's just another word for they've got money they don't want to lose.

This Journalism thing isn't really working out. Maybe it is. I don't know. I've got that slacker "I don't want to friggin' work anymore" feeling and it's combining with the "I don't want to work at this to work at other stuff anymore" feeling. I'm busting my a for a C grade and it's really, really irritating me. According to my midterm progress the only thing I can do is write (hey zeus, I even get A's on my Italian essays), but they keep drumming it into us that that's not enough to "make it" out there. Crap. Maybe I'm just having a hard time with allergies or the fact that winter won't go away or because we watched The Rockford Files in class last week and I keep remembering how fun LA was, but knowing that the Jim Rockford LA is long gone and it's been replaced by the Paris Hilton/Lindsey Lohan LA ... I don't know. SAD

But Alan Arkin was my role-model when I was a kid (maybe still is, really) and it was good to see him get thrown a bone. Am I the only one that owns his book "The Lemming Condition"? Buy it. Everyone needs to buy it. And, yeah, it really is about lemmings. I keep it by the bed.

On the title, I'm totally sold on old re-runs of Law & Order: CI. I've only seen 2, sure, but they were a good 2. I'd have watched sooner if I'd known that Jonesy was in it. ("It was Paganini.")

I don't really like Burt Lancaster much. He had no upper lip and I always picture him in a swimsuit running through fields like a Bruce Webber photo.

And that disturbs me.

But he just uttered this fantastic line in "From Here to Eternity" and it's not the line so much as the delivery. Say it fast and clipped like Burt and you'll see what I mean.

"What makes you think I'd think a thing like that"

Brilliant.

shrovin' shrovin' shrovin'

Here begineth Lent. Although, due to the flu thing, I did not have a big hamburger yesterday like I usually do, and, actually, for lunch it was this vegan pad thai thing at school (which didn't sit well at first ... stomach rebellion at the lack of food rebellion maybe).

So for 40 days it's time to fast and give up something (um ... I give up passing J204 and casual sex) and confess. In the tradition of my first confession, which was in the glass-doored lobby of the church, I'm going to make this in the glass room of Blogger:

Bless me Blogger for I have sinned. It's been (1 ... 2 ... 3 ...) 28 years since my last confession. In that time I have --

• Frequently used the Lord's name in vain and had other gods (Owen Wilson, Kimi Raikkonen, Robert Louis Stevenson) before Thee. (So that's the first four right there, although I don't think I've made any images of them. I have images, but I didn't make them.)
• I keep the Sabbath Day holy ... for Formula 1 racing.
• I like my mother and father a lot, but I'm not sure if I honor them. I guess I do, so we're all good on that one.
• Haven't killed anyone ... that I'm aware of. If I did something, like if I cut off a guy on the freeway and then he went home and kicked his dog who ran away and bit a child who grew up with fear psychosis and turned into a serial killer ... where would that fit in?
  
• Adultery ... uh ... what are the technicalities? I might be guilty of a technicality.
  
• Jesus (oops! sorry...) I've stolen a lot of Branch's candy since I was a kid. I don't think it's enough to constitute grand theft though, so maybe I'm okay.
• I lie every day. That's a fair cop. But I work in retail, so it's a requirement. I don't think I should get a demerit for this.
  
• I don't covet my neighbor's house -- oh wait, there is that one house on the corner. They have art and everything. Okay, yeah, guilty.
  
• I'm not interested in my neighbor's wife so much, but I like their garden. But maybe that falls under "house."

Other than that I think I'm good with a few Hail Mary's and some sackcloth and ashes, wailing and gnashing of teeth. Happy Lent.

24

Bad news: Another C in another class. This time I deserved it. The 16 credit-term is no effing good, man.
Good news: I've weened the cat off Pop-Tarts. Might help save on the kitty dental bill.
Bad news: I caught some weird flu-thing either off of one of the bus folk or probably from one of my fellow studente.
Good news: That flu thing helped me fit into newly-washed jeans this morning.

eh ... cosi cosi.

What's in a Name?

So there was Ronald McDonald ... the Hamburglar ... Mayor McCheese ... Officer Big Mac (who was really a Mick) ... the Fry Guys -- these names all make some vague kind of sense.

What's the story on Grimace?

Does he make faces? What? Wikipedia's no help. He's described as a "well-meaning doofus" but not much on the name, except that it's a hold-over from when he was a bad character ("Evil Grimace"). Can't he get his name changed to Doofus and be done with it? Who's up for the petition?

Daoism InAction

Today I got a C on my magazine cover project in that class. This set-back is, in short, devastating.

Unlike Creative Writing where I figured out what the instructor wanted and then gave it to him, I have no effing idea what these people expect. They picked the topic (Formula 1 Racing) and then graded me down because they didn't understand the visuals I used. Why didn't I label Kimi Raikkonen's picture so people would know who he is? Why were the "d" and "p" looped together on the words "Grand Prix"? (They formed a track.) People who would read this imaginary magazine know who Kimi is. You, graduate student, are not my audience. You are not my target (as outlined specifically in my proposal and in the cover essay with the project -- twice I've explained that the magazine is for people already interested in racing). The answer: "But I might look at this in Borders and pick it up." Yeah, but you wouldn't buy it unless you were interested in Formula 1, which you clearly are not, and those interested in Formula 1 would know who the hell Kimi Raikkonen was. I might pick up a copy of Guns and Ammo ... doesn't mean I'd buy it.

Also, my cover line for the article on Danica Patrick was "Why this 'domestic appliance' is qualified to race in Formula 1." I was told that "domestic appliance" was pejorative. I said, I know. That was the point. The quote is from the President of Formula 1 and the article proves him wrong. She said that didn't come across on the cover. What?!? The sentence ends with "is qualified to race in Formula 1." Get it? She is qualified and is not a domestic appliance.

Summation: I'm doomed. Why am I working on a project that was chosen by someone else to be graded by them when they don't understand the topic of the project? What the f@%$#k is that? Why didn't she let me do the magazine on classic film?

So, I figure it's some kind of past-life retribution that I can't change. This is payment for some kind of serious injustice I pulled last time around and I've just got to roll with it. I just need to pass the class, not ace it. Who needs the Dean's List anyway?

Bring it in ... let it out again. Focus on the Dao...........

A Starbucks barista called me "ma'am" today.

Not for Nothin' But

Magazine writing is too serious at my school. I know, I'm off on that class again, but, feckin' hell, it just bothers me like few things do ... or like most things do ... but this sticks like ... like ... like ... it just sticks, okay? I don't want to write stories about racial tension at the university or depression or how the salmon are dying or any of the other "award winning" pieces of heaviness that generate talk among academics, but no one else really reads them. Honestly, who reads them? Honestly.

I'm starting to doubt my calling. Maybe it's time to switch to newspaper journalism and doing time on the Emerald writing complaints about the liberals.

Holy #*$%! I'm missing Chappelle! "I'm Rick James, bitch."

I haven't even brushed my teeth yet

This is the problem with having a full day off. I just don't feel like doing a g.d. thing. I finished my paper on Philip Marlowe, I can't work on the commemorative stamp for Journalism since the effer needs to be done on one of the Macs at school, and I just can't bring myself around to scriverendo nel mio diario della studenta l'esperianza (immaginativa) in Italia. Instead I've talked to mom on the phone, irritated the pet, and wandered around the house muttering crap about Daoism and the positive uses of chick flicks.

I can't tell if all of this is bad or good, needed or wasteful, yin or yang.

Argle bargle or foofarah?

Never Mind the Bloggocks

Thought I'd post, although I like seeing my grandmother looking swanky ... and it puts that catchy "Shanghai Lil" in my head. Days before I kept singing "Pettin' in the Park" so it's a nice change.

It's in my head again. I've been lookin' HIGH and I've been lookin' low ... lookin' for my Shanghai Lil.

Also in my head is the idea that some of my friends rank the Pope with the devil in his capacity for evil. I don't know why I was thinking of this, but I was ... maybe it was the presentation on Lazio that we had this week in Italian class, but it made me think of psychics who don't use their power to win the Lotto. You know, if the Pope is so powerful why have we only had 1 Catholic president and, sure, wasn't he shot while in office? Fahhhhhhhh I say. The Pope is no bigger than the Queen Mum in terms of political power.

Which made me think of the Queen Mum, which made me think of "Taggart" (apparently it was her favorite show), which made me think of the TV detectives class where I need to somehow namedrop characters from "77 Sunset Strip" (Stu ... Kookie) and "Hawaiian Eye" (Cricket and ... who was that other guy? ... that Robert Conrad guy ... right the "local" Tom Lopaka ... thanks IMDB) into my paper about Philip Marlowe. Which made me think of how that weird TV channel the American Life Network or whatever it's called which has "Harry O" and "Perry Mason" has 2 - count 'em, 2! - Robert Conrad shows on it ("Hawaiian Eye" and "Wild Wild West") and why don't they just sign on "Blacksheep Squadron" and get it done with? Maybe because the Pope isn't powerful enough to change programming and the American So-Called Life Network.

Q.E.D.

Isn't caffeine GREAT?

Lookin' for my Shanghai Lil....

Gramma? Is that you???