Having a good day? Skip this then.

Platelet Count: 7

That was on Monday. We went to the hospital and I spent all day getting a transfusion of IVIG and platelets, which shot the platelet count up to a whopping 35.

35. That's as good as I get for a day in a hospital bed watching basic cable?!?

It's not the cancer, friends. The cancer I can handle. I'm going in for radiation this week to shoot out some particularly bad spots on my lumbar and (hopefully) also take out some issues in my upper legs so I don't walk like a Weeble anymore. The cancer is still doing its thing, but it behaves accordingly and can be dealt with accordingly.

It's the platelet count that's screwing me. Steroids have apparently lost their effectiveness (I was taking them up through Saturday and still tanked on Monday), we still don't know if Rituximab is working, I was turned down for nPlate, which I wasn't entirely keen on anyway, and a transfusion looks like it's no more than a Band-Aid fix.

Or maybe this will be a weekly thing. Every week I spend a day at the hospital getting pumped with some stranger's blood and it'll buy me time to ... to ... eh ... yeah.

I just don't know.

Dark days without any idea what will happen tomorrow. I'm not physic (misspelling intended --- ain't you all never seen Harper?) and I don't pretend that I've ever been able to see into the future, but everyone likes to plan a little, right? You want to be able to think: "I can put in those anemone bulbs if the weather stays like this" with the idea that you're planning and predicting the weather to stay like this, albeit not fully seeing entirely whether or not the weather stay like this.

I'm rambling. It's the fatigue. I'm so tired I have to take a nap after putting on socks. I'm going to finish this and move to the chair in the Red Room where I'll be workin' on my back at the HO. hahahahahahaha.

I will one day take a picture of the home office (aka: The HO), but the camera tells me that "the battery is exhausted."

I know how it feels.