Where do I even begin?

Okay, so the amount of phone calls coming through last night (People! We were trying to finish The Wire! Did they bring in Wee-Bey from Philly?) means that I'm not doing a very good job at keeping everyone in the loop.

But when you're asking a brontosaurus named Ray to please go pick up some ice cream and then that bastard doesn't even come back with your money ... well, you get a little distracted by mundane day-to-day hallucinations.

Friends, my sodium dropped this weekend. Something is always dropping, yeah? So combined with the pain medication, I was intensely out of it all weekend long. What was Saturday? Right, I went to work. You know, scary, but there it is. I spent my energy at work and when I got home I dropped like a bag of dirt never to rise again. Even now, I'm still really tired, but not like before, and I'll tell you why ............... but maybe you don't want to hear it.

Like chocolate pudding?

So, yeah, has anyone out there been constipated for an entire week? 7 full, complete, interminable days. Show of hands. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Come on. Okay, so you know where I'm coming from on this. The rest of you get to use your imagination. You're not the lucky ones.

As I'm sure you're aware, when you can't go, it backs up and each day you add to "the pile" means another day of having to truck it around in your gut. This can seriously restrict your movement and if you like food, like I do, it puts a crimp in your happy levels because it puts a kibosh on wanting to add/eat. You're not hungry if you're still holding on to dinner from last Wednesday, ya know?

I had 7 full days of nothing. It went in, but it wasn't about to come out again.

So I took Senacot and Miralax, both with a chaser of Mylanta. By Saturday I was onto an enema. (no, really, desperate times, friends...) Sunday I moved right into a Powerball of Miralax and prune juice. Nothin'.

Last night --- me cranky and my parents and cousin/roommate at a loss on how to help and me at a loss on what to ask them for --- mom and cousin suggested another go with the Powerball. Man, prune juice is just not appealing even with Miralax .... which is also somewhat unpleasant. To help get that nasty sucker down I used a straw.

EUREKA!!

I feel like a real live real person now. Look! Look! I just pinched myself (ow) and I'm enjoying coffee! I know what day it is! I just paid a bill! (ow again)

Overnight the world has changed and will change again. That's not a bad thing.

I'm going to work in my "office" now and see what went on yesterday. Man, I hope I didn't screw things up ....