Voices Airy

He either fears his fate too much,
Or his deserts are small,
That puts it not unto the touch
To win or lose it all
- James Graham, Marquis of Montrose

(He also says "Do you take me entirely for a wig, sir!" but that's only in "Rob Roy" and is really just John Hurt, but ... it sort of fits in ... and I like saying it at odd moments, like when I'm in the car, etc... but I digress.)

It's July and I'm freaking out about school. It seems really inconceivable suddenly: the registering, the affording, the placement testing -- and there's the very real possibility that I'm going to somehow fuck it up. I know that there are a lot of wooden tops out there who make it into universities and I'm pretty sure that I'm on par with most of them, but there's something about the planning stages that gives me the Fear in a really big way.

My friends and family tell me not to worry. They've been through school -- some of them are still in it, although not students ... although some are -- and they keep telling how easy it is. I mean just look at the boneheads filling a lecture hall these days! They can't read beyond Dr. Suess, but can manage working a cell phone and completing the registration process for college.

But there are those who have known me for a long time and can remember my past attempts to get this done. It's always at the registration phase that something goes horribly wrong. I never even get as far as actually taking a class. Once I couldn't even manage to get to the campus -- as though Long Beach State was hiding behind a tree that day or something (I swear, one minute I was on the right street, and the next I was turned around onto the freeway going home. It was fate).

I'm hoping that by blogging this I'm trapping a demon in a bottle. ("Cork it!" to misquote Withnail.)

There's the theory that telling your dreams keeps them from coming true. Maybe the same can be said for fear. After all, the monster stays in the closet if you keep the light on and your head under the covers, right?