The Rain Man Suite

Viva, Viva Las Vegas 
Sorry for the delay, but last week was the annual trip to Sin City with the girls (and Uncle John). We stayed at Paris, where we've stayed since they opened the place, and, as usual, had a hard time having a good time. Here's a list of the irritations inflicted by the staff:

- Rudeness on the phone ("I've already told you, there are NO ROOMS LIKE THAT AVAILABLE")
- Rudeness at the restaurant (mom: "Can we push the tables together?" hostess: "No." We were a party of NINE. I should also add that we were a *reserved* party of nine, so it's not like it was surprising -- "Zut Alors! Nine for dinner! What will we do?" -- and maybe wanted to sit together n' stuff)
- Broken air conditioning and wet spot on floor (although it doesn't top the condom wrapper, chewing gum paper and Chapstick we found at the Luxor a few years back)
- 30 minutes for a friggin' drink at the pool and then another 30 minutes for her to return with change for the tip
- On attempting a refill on coffee, my mom was stopped by the basilisk guarding the urn (the cup mom was using was from a different coffee shop - also located WITHIN THE HOTEL, by the way, but you've got to keep an eye on those 8 ounces), which only goes to prove that all the Nazis haven't left Paris

- Non-Paris related: a psychic charged me $20 plus tip to tell me that I was a stubborn control-freak who will do well in business and not to let my friends/family set me up on dates. Also, when I meet "the guy" (supposedly at a party) I'm supposed to play hard to get and make him wait. Hard to get?!? Dude, I'm 38 in 2 weeks. I nearly slapped him. All I wanted was to know what numbers to play at roulette. Pffft ... hard to get. As if.

On the good side, I won $550 within the first 10 minutes of gambling ... erm ... only to lose it all over the following 4 days. But it felt great to win. If I hadn't been sitting so close to the front door I would have thrown up and peed my pants all at the same time like a cocker spaniel (or like a cocker spaniel with a gambling addiction).

And just to prove that it wasn't all bad, here's Uncle Johnny with a showgirl.

"She wasn't that great," he said