"You're not in the same universe as those creatures back there."

Here's another fun selection of my day-to-day interactions with the public.

Even though the website I work for is clearly marked, titled, and labeled with the company name, and the company name also incorporates what we sell ("officeproducts/supplies/stuff".com), some people still get confused when they come in to chat on our live customer service:

Visitor: Don't Know Address of Bank One Credit Care.

I've also had people ask me how they can reach a Canadian phone company. Usually if we don't carry what they're looking for we'll get "Where can I find (obscure item) in my area", which is when we're supposed to turn into their local Yellow Pages.

This one came by e-mail (all spelling and punctuation is copied *exactly*):

dear sir/madam
i want start a company. but i canot choose which company is preferble for me and which company is profitable and easy marketing not only in present days in feature also. i would like to start think about disposels or textiles? which comnay is preferble to me. i am totally confussion please give me a advice.

And, this one, my favorite from the live chat:

Visitor: FOUND A FORIEGN OBJECT IN MY INSTANT COFFEE

They never said what the object was, which is a total drag. (It would have made the incorrect "i before e" assumption in "foreign" forgivable.) It's right up there with "I've stuck my tongue to a pencil with SuperGlue, what should I do?" and other questions best answered by a medical team or someone in the legal profession.