Well, little reader, I don't know about beer luges, but I can tell you about a very famous booze luge from Long Beach. Come up to ol' li'l hateful's knee.
Once upon a time there was this angry troll who lived in a house with a carefree sprite. The angry troll would go to work every day and deal with her crazy boss who would ask her to do things like come up with a campaign for public television using "spokes-monkeys" and other things that gave her upset tummy problems. But the carefree sprite would get her nails done and party with her friends all day long and then come home with her boyfriend and drink a suitcase of Bud Lite every night through a glow-in-the-dark beer bong.
The troll tried to be happy like the carefree sprite, but she was just too bitter and angry at the world. The sprite felt sorry for the troll, so one day, the sprite said "We'll have a party in the house and invite all our friends and we'll have Jell-O shots and an ice luge. I know a woman who does ice sculptures and she'll run surgical tubing in a corkscrew down the middle -- you pour at the top and 'catch' it from the tube straw at the bottom. It's like a beer bong in ice! A friend of mine has a frame. Come on, troll. You know you want it."
The angry troll was dubious. How could this solve anything? Booze? On ice?? Then, when the luge arrived, the driver decided to test it by pouring water through the tube at the top. But, uh-oh! the tube goes through ice and the water froze halfway through the block. The party was ruined. The troll fumed and fussed. The carefree sprite did shots.
Then, a magical pimp came through the kitchen door. "Boil the gin," he said, since no one was drinking it. "Alcohol doesn't freeze and you can pour that down the tube until the ice melts."
He was right! Within 2 hours of downing Jell-O shots and boiling Ralph's Plain-Wrap gin the ice luge was working. Even the angry troll tried it!
And they all lived happily ever after.
2 comments:
Boiling the gin has gotten me out of numerous alcohol related tight spots.
I think it's a good moral to the story too: When in doubt, boil your gin.
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