(Not So) Urgent Care

2:00 - Leave work

2:20 - Arrive at hospital; take a number

2:30 - 2:50 - Waiting room television choices are ESPN with closed-captioning and SpongeBob SquarePants without

2:50 - "Hi, I'm Nurse TeeHee." (I know that's not her name, but my left ear was all muffled and foggy and I was too shy to ask her to repeat it.) "Come on back and let's get you set up in a room."

2:55 - Vital signs checked (left arm hurting from blood pressure cuff), drugs listed and confirmed, and that's the end of Nurse TeeHee.

3:00 - I start to wonder how long this will take

3:10 - Wow, has it really been 10 minutes? That's not bad.

3:15 - Are there any water cups? No ... maybe I can fill up one of those gloves and drink from that

3:20 - Notice "turn off cell phones" sign -- suddenly tempted to turn on my cell phone

3:25 - Ohhhhhhhh so that's how you get the chair to go back

3:30 - The leg rest goes up. The leg rest goes down. The leg rest goes up. The leg rest goes down.

3:35 - Turn on the cell phone and play demo games that I can't afford to buy

3:40 - Turn off cell phone

3:45 - Dammit, people! I have cancer. Doesn't that rate for anything? Okay, I know it's not related to the ear infection, but what the f...?

3:50 - Maybe I'm not that sick. This thing just needs to clear up, right? Why did I panic and come in? But if I leave I'll lose that $25. What to do. What to do.

3:55 - I should have paid $10 to the primary care physician. I might have been in and out by now ... of course she'd recommend another pap smear ("But, doctor, it's an ear infection.") and looking things up on the Internets.

4:00 - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

4:10 - "Hi, I'm Dr. MuffledInTheBadEarName! Let's take a look at you. Looks like swimmer's ear." "But we don't have a pool." "Stop using Q-tips and I'll get you a prescription for ear drops so we can get you out of here, okay?"

4:15 - Meet up with frustrated and impatient cousin/roommate in lobby and leave the hospital