A Movie Nearly Every Night: O.K. Connery

O.K Connery or Operation Kid Brother (1967)
Dir. Alberto De Martino
Starring: Neil Connery, Daniela Bianchi, Adolfo Celi, Agata Flori

Last year's Largo and this year's Connery - when they met, it was murder

I like to think I can take just about any kind of punishment from a movie. Friends, did I or did I not watch The Fifth Element? True, we walked out on Gangs of New York, but it was in a stuffy theater and we'd only paid $1.50 to see it and I can sleep for free at home. (snort. hmpf. "What, he hasn't killed him yet? Let's go.")

But I couldn't watch this one all the way through. I tried. I really did. I wanted to like it because what's not to like? It's a Bond spoof with Bond actors including M and Miss Moneypenny (as Commander Cunninghammmmm-no, not M, really, and Lois Maxwell as Miss Maxwell ... really). Add dash of former Bond villains and a former Bond girl, with a pinch of Bond girl look-alikes and a Morricone soundtrack that makes you wonder how he wasn't sued, and you've got magic, right? Right?

"Max" in a wee Tam o'Shanter that resembles my tea cozy.

Wow, no. The dubbing, the plot, watching Adolfo Celi feel-up some evil minion in a go-go sailor outfit ... eeeeew argh, I'm sorry, I just couldn't take it. But, as we fast-forwarded through the hour and a half that remained the cousin/roommate and I discovered two things: 1) it's much better when on fast-forward because there's no sound and the action flows faster; 2) these clothes were GREAT.

Daniela Bianchi in a fetching hat.
It matches her Creamsicle-colored dress and shoes

Nearly every scene featured some nutty use of wardrobe and not always bad, although sometimes slightly uncomfortable. (We won't be discussing what passes for evil male clothing because it just made me feel funny.)(No, not funny "ha-ha.") Daniela Bianchi, the actual Bond girl, is femme fatale Maya and everything she wears is orange or orange and white. But that's okay, because she looks good in orange, and even with sticking to a single color they manage to put her in a sweet selection of outfits.

I swear the guy on the left has "shemped" in 2 other Bond films.

Neil gets a chance to show off a full-Scots for a significant segment of film time while Daniela sports orange fur. I had this same coat in faux-fur. It was pink. It did not come with the matching hair clip like Daniela's, but it had the double-breast and brass buttons. I wore it about 5 years after it was in style, but I thought it was cool, especially with white boots and a daisy print sundress underneath.

But I digress.

Yes, even an orange and white can-can outfit. Who'da thunk it?

Agata Flori fares a little better with color variety as the evil side-kick with the non-evil name, Mildred.

Fixing a wardrobe malfunction, and I don't mean the pretzel hair.

She is also found crawling on the floor for most of the first half of the picture prompting the obvious question: "Do you ever walk upright?"

Pink and black with little Benita Bizarre accents

Pink and yellow with little clown accents

So, yes, there are crosses and double-crosses and kooky plot twists and Lois Maxwell shooting guns and flame throwers, which makes it all very Bond-like, sort of, and maybe it's entertaining if you watch it in real-time, but I'm not patient enough to find out. Honestly, when you can figure it all out on fast-forward with no sound, what does that tell you?

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I don't think I have to spell it out.