Metafixthis

Yesterday, I was a little cranky. Sometimes the kids just get to that nerve and poke at it with a fiery stick, and I can't help reacting to it. Maybe it's because our refrigerator has been broken since last Saturday and our house smells like a diaper. Maybe it's the B I got on a paper where I thought covered all the A bases. Maybe it's the Shakespeare paper due tomorrow, which is only 3 pages, but I don't want to blow the really good impression I've made on Shakespeare Lady, so I'm afraid to finish it and call it done only to turn it in and get a C.

I couldn't even relax this afternoon during T'ai Chi class (which has, really, become more of a chat session than a practice -- I mean we practice, sure, but when you're outside among the students, you tend to listen to other conversations and they're funny and it leads to chit-chat about various kooky topics like amateur film and the purpose of moustaches). Today I was told that one of the things T'ai Chi does for you is it opens you up to the world around you. This awareness leads you down the road to enlightenment. My response was "Yeah, but ignorance is bliss."

"Then why do you do this?" T.C. Man asked.

Fecking A ... I hadn't really thought about it. I threw out the snappy "It's better than going to work" but it's bothered me for the rest of the day. I hadn't thought of it as having this goal of enlightenment. It was just 2 hours a week where people didn't bark at me or chip at my confidence. It's what old people do and it's good for allergies and my knees. But hadn't I just been told that if you did a kick wrong you could blow out your knee? If that's the physical end of it, what happens mentally and if you do something wrong? Do you blow out your metaphysical center of balance?

So I don't know anymore. Geez, maybe it's time to start drinking or reading romance novels or collecting newspaper and cat food cans. I fear enlightenment and I hate ignorance. Jaysis ... or maybe we just need a new refrigerator. I really can't take having to shake up the milk to filter the floaties anymore.