I'm a Pugilist Specialist

Phone call of the day:

Me: Thank you for calling [business name]. How--

Caller: I want a typewriter ribbon. I've spent 2 weeks on this and I'm not going to spend any more time looking around for one. I just want one... [here it gets unintelligible. Basically, she started slow, revved up and then took off, slurring her words together. Honestly, when callers are like that I tend to let them go. Resistance is futile.]

-finally-

Me (chirpy): Okay! I can help you with that. What model typewriter do you have?

Caller: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT MODEL TYPEWRITER I HAVE! I JUST WANT A BLACK RIBBON! ANY BLACK RIBBON!

Me: Well, uh --

Caller: And I want to know if you're going to take a check for it.

Me: Certainly, however we do have a $50 minimum on check orders--

Caller: DON'T TELL ME THAT! THAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF! IT'S ABSOLUTELY LUDICROUS! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT!

Me: I'm sorry that's our poli--

Caller: IT'S COMPLETELY LUDICROUS! [then she gets calm ... it's that quiet fury] I'm going to cross you off of my list [and I can hear her scratching her pen on paper] and I will never call you again for the rest of my life.

-well ... what could I say?-

Me: Fair enough.

I found out later that she had called before and she was going to re-wind the ribbon onto a spool she already had. That's dedication to a typewriter.