"I'm having trouble here..."

The posts are getting fewer because I've been working like a freaking dog for the past 2 weeks. In at 6 or 6:30 and home at 5 really blows, but we're short-staffed thanks to a case of carpal tunnel (gosh! how could that happen?) and the summer is not what it used to be. Honestly, this time last year I was doing every New York Times Crossword puzzle listed in the archives -- sometimes up to 3 or 4 per day in between reading old copies of Woman's Day or Vanity Fair or whatever else was left on the cabinet in the ladies' bathroom. Hey-Zeus Christo and Jeanne-Claude, I can't even imagine what Christmas is going to be like or how this is going to work out with school.

That gripe aside, one of duties includes checking orders for fraud. Sometimes this is fun, like a Columbo mystery ("So, let me see if I get this straight ... you're a legitimate company who needs 230 ink cartridges ... and you're in Nigeria. Have I got that right, sir?") and sometimes it's a time-consuming pain in the ass that involves calling banks for verification. You'd be surprised at how many banks won't do a fraud check and how many laugh off the idea of a fraud department. I don't know where they live, but it must be sunny and nice with only good folks. American Express is the easiest. They're entirely automated, but you've got to talk to one of those voice-activated robots. God forbid you get the giggles. The robot is so peppy and happy (I actually missed her when I was directed to a different robot one day), that when you screw up she replies in her best "gosh" voice: "I'm having trouble here." You can almost see her make that blinky-eyed face -- you know the one, your grandmother used to do it when right before correcting your potty-mouth: "I hope you didn't learn that at school..."