"His active little crutch was heard upon the floor, and back came Tiny Tim before another word was spoken..."
How to Go Cheap On a Cane
(for those who don't really want to use one)
(for those who don't really want to use one)
If your hip is killing you and you decide you can't wait to order a nice cane with a fancy handle (fashionablecanes.com) so you look more like Dame May Whitty than Dr. House, you can find cheap but serviceable canes at your neighborhood Albertsons. However if you choose to buy a super market cane, you will need to super adjust it if you have super short legs.
This is clearly much too long or the user is much too short. Since you can't raise the user, you've got to lower the cane.
Careful measuring needs to be done along with math and other stuff. I recommend having a cousin/roommate who can do fractions and use large power tools.
The finished product should come up to wrist height with your arm bent at a 20 degree angle. On normal people, the cane will measure about half of the user's height.
Please note: Some cats may be suspicious of your cane. Some dogs may want to hump it.
If you have any other questions or concerns, please consult your monkey nurse.
Happy Caning!
7 comments:
So glad the monkey nurse has been helpful. I like to think that she wouldn't do regular nurse stuff like take your temperature, but offer you jello shots and smutty magazines.
You definitely need a more archival cane. Perhaps shopping from A Touch of Evil is in order. Doesn't Hank Quinlan have one you could borrow for a few weeks?
Forget about these ordinary supermarket canes. What you need is an ultra bad assed, hand forged swordcane! Behold:
www.swordcane.com/burger_swords_home.htm
"Sensible walking companion" indeed. I'm sure Monkey Nurse would agree.
Dangit! Beaten to the sword cane punch. Ho hum...you'll wnat to see this anyways.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EL0Y-GhU2Io
I have a friend who's got a cane you can fill with liquor- that's a hell of a secret weapon.
I seriously considered the flask cane (by the way --- not available at Albertons), but figured they wouldn't let me on a plane with a sword cane, so that was definitely out.
I'm all for archival and continue to be on the lookout for a new/old proper walking stick. But maybe something more Doc Holliday than Hank Quinlan, although if I keep eating cake...
you are now prepared to beat your foe on the Senate floor. You know, in case it ever comes up, it's good to be prepared.
Okay, not to be a history nerd, but in high school I was stuck with Sumner as a subject for a history paper. Not to excuse getting bashed by a walking stick, but I was surprised to find out that he was kind of an jerk. Abolitionist good, yes, but also a complete a-hole.
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