Seat Week

I know, I'm off work with a lot of time to post to the blog and I haven't put anything up. Part of it is because of the drugs. They gave me the Intervention drug of choice, oxycodone, and it's good for pain, but bad for paying attention to things. Just ask half the celebrities in US Weekly. Today is going to be an oxycodone-free day and I think it'll be okay.

Or not.

Mom is here and we've watched a lot of movies on Turner and some Bollywood (Dewaar), but it's still hard to put this whole week together.

My friend Kelly, also diagnosed with metastasized breast cancer, has been in the hospital all week. Her cancer metastasized to her liver and chemo shrunk the tumor, but has overworked her body. She was cured. Then she's not. Then things are good. Then they're not. This treatment will work and then it doesn't. It's supposed to work, but then it doesn't work entirely well, actually.

I can't speak for Kelly, but all this time I thought I was in agreement with my body. We had fun together. I kept it in relatively good shape --- we had exercise on a regular basis; I kept it fed and even treated it a number of times to hot tubs and relaxation. I never let anything break and if a hole got poked in it, I gave it peroxide and a Hello Kitty Band-Aid. Sure, I over-worked it a little the past 4 years, but I gave it rest when it was tired and lots of vitamins. Kelly was healthy before the cancer --- healthier than I was. She could live in Colorado, where I got knocked senseless by the altitude. Why do our bodies want to rebel like this?

I don't know.

So I'm sitting here with pretty flowers (thank you, everyone; our house smells wonderful) and a Debbie Reynolds mini-film-marathon and a cat sleeping on my feet and and I want to be Zen about everything and allow the world to move as it goes without trying to throw off the balance, but I can't help thinking that the balance is already a little bit wonky already. Is it Zen to believe that the beauty of the balance is in the imbalance? And where does the Debbie Reynolds mini-marathon fit in? Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows and -- cancer, pain pills and everything that's wonderful.

I just don't know.