The 12 Hates of Christmas

12. Holiday jewelry commercials

11. Parties that require a date (or where you're singled out when you don't have one)

10. Cards and the stress over whether or not to hand them out at work

9. Getting called "ma'am" at stores

8. Stress at work then stress at home because there's no time to do a f-ing thing to relax

7. Holiday television specials (except Rudolph, but only because Yukon Cornelius licks his pick axe)

6. Malls and people throwing things at your from kiosks or wanting to put lotion on your hands or "Clean your holiday jewelry, ma'am?"

5. Traffic and people who can't drive in it

4. Not finding the right gift for family members who hate you and are looking for an excuse to justify that hate by pointing to the fact that you bought a Costco gift basket instead of looking for that special something you thought they'd like, knowing they wouldn't like it

3. Airports and why I have to sit next to the stinky, sleepy guy on the plane every time

2. Not being in an airport because yet again I can't afford or have time to visit the family that I can't buy things for because they won't like it because they're looking for an excuse yah yah yah

1. Christmas music, and co-workers who think that changing to the other radio station that plays 24-hours of that fake happy sing-along shite is going to make a difference. "Oh, there's a better variety on this one." Let's call the emperor naked, okay? They all play "Jingle Bell Rock" on the hour, every hour.

Exception -- The Carpenters singing "Merry Christmas Darling" ... when I hear her sing about how the logs on the fire fill her with desire it cracks me up every time.